Issued by the Bureau · Pyongyang

What is the Kimmies, and how do I get a title?

For seventy years the best titles in the country belonged to one family. That is over. Here is how it works.

Begin the two-minute assessmentSee the four steps
First, what is this?

The Bureau of Honorary Titles is open to the peoples of the world.

The best names belonged to the Kim family alone. Supreme Commander. Guiding Sun Ray. Eternal Bosom of Hot Love. The Bureau judged this a waste of perfectly good glory.

How the titles work

You do not choose your title. The registry chooses it for you.

You cannot name yourself. Only the Bureau can name you. Six questions, and it matches you to one of 48 real titles from the state record.

Every title is real
Each one was given, by decree, to a member of the Kim family.
Collect as many as you earn
The Bureau sets no limit. Every ratified title goes on the same record.
Ratified titles are recorded
Your name enters the public register with a seal and a number. Searchable. No appeals.
Give one away
Pay for another person’s honours and the Bureau will summon them. The title is theirs. The credit is yours.
How to get one

Four steps, as laid down by protocol.

01
Begin your assessment
02
The registry chooses
03
Your certificate is issued
04
You are entered forever
After ratification

Ratified citizens are entered on the roll. The Bureau then has plans for you.

The register

Your name, your seal, your number. Permanent and searchable.

The Dispatch

The Bureau's bulletin. Promotions, denunciations, the state of the Kimdom.

The issue

Goods are issued to citizens only. There is no public queue.

Matters of protocol

Questions the Bureau receives.

Do I get to choose my own title?

No. A title you give yourself is worth nothing. The Bureau assigns it, as always.

Are these real North Korean titles?

Yes. All 48 were given by decree to a member of the Kim family. The Bureau invented none of them.

Must I start with the free provisional title?

No. You may ratify at once. Many comrades do.

What is the difference between provisional and ratified?

A provisional certificate is marked provisional and carries no seal. A ratified one carries the seal, the number and your line in the register.

Can I hold more than one title?

Yes. The Bureau sets no limit and has never understood why anyone would.

Can I give a title to someone else?

Yes. Pay for their honours and the Bureau will summon them. The title is theirs. The credit is yours.

Can my title ever be taken away?

In theory, yes. In practice the Bureau is busy.

Is this affiliated with any government?

No. The Kimmies is a parody. Every title is honorary and entirely fictional.